I have always had a wild imagination when awake.
When I am asleep, my dreams are even more wild and crazy but I guess I am not the only one who experience that… I go through phases of remembering my nocturnal adventures.
In fact at some point I was deeply immersed in researching how to interpret my dreams. I had created some codes and symbols that made sense for me. I had made a drawing of a house and wrote down what each room represented in the subconscious.
Over the past few weeks, it’s been interesting to follow the theme of transportation in my dreams. A vehicle usually represents our life and where we are heading and how much control we have in the direction we are taking. My dream started with me seated at the back of a large bus by myself. The driver was not very careful and the road was bumpy and the seats uncomfortable. I had no idea where we were going. Then in the following dreams, I was in cars, driven by either an ex-boyfriend or a family member and once again, I had no idea where we were going, the driving was careless once again and we would enter busy streets at full speed, giving me chills and wondering when we were going to crash.
Yesterday I had my first dream in weeks where I was the driver. I was on a bicycle. Finally I was in charge. Does that mean I am now in charge of my life? Well I was first cycling in the city with large avenues everywhere up and down, one road passing over another, on many levels like one would see in Japan or Los Angeles. I was going fast and it didn’t feel like I knew where I was going nor did it feel that I was much in control of the speed of my bike when going downhill. At the end of my dream, I was finally cycling in the countryside. I was riding on a dusty road along beautiful mountains and I was taking my time. I am not sure I knew what my destination was, but at least I was the one driving and I was in control of the speed. This is a good sign.
It means I finally feel a bit more in control of my life and I am not letting outside circumstances taking over. Or am I?
It’s been a challenge having to come back home, stay at my parent’s place and having to travel 4 hours each day of the week to spend some time with my poor mother in hospital. I have felt the pressure of my family and friends, all reminding me of how convenient it was that I had traveled back to my home country for a Summer holiday this precise year, when I needed to be there for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I had to put aside my life that I had established in Canada and enter a sort of limbo period where neither I nor anyone really knows what will happen with my mother’s situation. I am aware that a lot of people are going through a lot of hardships at various levels. I am humbled every day and feeling grateful every day that even though I have been unemployed for a few weeks now, I have a roof over my head, that even though my mother is in bad shape, she is alive and still with us, that even though stress is giving me aches and pain in my body, at least my body is fully functioning and so is my brain…
I realise that from one perspective I am in control of my life in as so far as I am the one making decision on what to do next, however, at the same time, I am not in control of everything.
It feels that there is a script I have written for my life before I incarnated, and that I cannot change that main story. What I can change, is the settings around that script. I understand that if in the script I have come down here to learn about patience and compassion for instance, this is the script. Now, how I will learn about that and go about playing out that role depends on me. For instance, I can learn about patience and compassion while being a girl in a dumpster of Rio fighting daily to feed herself or I can decide to be a rich girl in Dubai driven everywhere I want by a private chauffeur in a large limousine.
This has troubled me for a long time: Destiny or free will?
Many years ago, I was fascinated by any methods to know myself. I was studying and practicing astrology and from there I went into many other interesting fields that included palm reading. I bought some ink and started testing myself and my family. I had them place their right and left hand in the ink and make a print on a piece of paper with a date on it. The idea was to study the lines in our hands and check how they might be changing when we were going through major changes in our life. Now maybe my parents did not go through major changes in their life in the course of studying this, but I certainly did. I went to live abroad for instance and that is a major change of life direction. When that happened, I took another print of my hand. This is where I saw it…
The left hand print was unchanged compared to an earlier date. The right hand print however showed a slight change of lines. This was a revelation for me. It demonstrated that, at least in my understanding at the time, that our life was a mix of 50% of what we had written for ourselves pre-birth ( our script)and this was represented by the unmovable lines of the left hand and of 50% of what we decide to do with our next steps ( the settings) in the changeable lines of the right hand.
To this day I still believe that. I understand now that there is something written for my path and what I am here for on Earth in this incarnation but I can still decide what to do next.
A recent channelling from Jesus helped me understand this further. The right hand would represent the will of my True Self, the divine Self that had extended its grandeur into a little human person in this world of illusion. This Higher Self had a plan for me to accomplish certain things in this life. It has equipped me with talents and gifts to accomplish certain things here.
The left hand then would represent the will of my Ego, this part of me that believes it is an individual separate from everyone and everything else that can make it on its own and be as good as the Creator. This Ego has selfish plans and doesn’t have much of a clue really about what all this world and life is about. It is trying to survive, compete and fight to get the best place in this world of illusion.
Thus, dreaming that I am getting more in control of my life because I am driving a bike could be the sign that I am finally slowly letting go of being driven by others and circumstances and that I am back in charge in the sense of accepting where I am at and believing that it is part of the grand plan, part of the script my Higher Self has written for me. I need to surrender and trust. So in my dreams, going from being in a bus, then a car and now riding my own bike could also mean that I am working on myself in becoming more and more humble.
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