This has to be the worst feeling ever...
I am not sure that anyone would understand what I am going through and that's why a journal is so perfect...I remember going through at least two profound dark nights of the soul. One in my early thirties and one in my late forties, but never have I felt this depth of hopelessness.
Each dark night of the soul eventually ended while I kept hope for a solution to come, for clarity and relief, always believing in better days. This time feels different..
I had gotten used for many years to not being understood by people around me and I had gotten used to being alone and dialoging with the invisible realms, somehow knowing deep inside that they were always here for me.
So many things have accelerated now on this planet that I do not know who to trust and believe anymore, including the Higher Realms. This is the saddest part for me right now. I count on my writing this to help me entangle what is really going on and make peace with it all.
I have not written in a while, because of being busy with creating my online school or being tired and confused with the rest of my life. So many questions popped up that I am still slowly trying to find answers to...
I spoke to some of my friends who have different perspectives on what is going on in our world. They seem happy to follow whatever the government is dictating them to do, fully trusting that the latter have their best interest at heart while I know deep inside that this is not the case. It is hard to pretend and let them take that path. While I respect their free will, I can only state that I have done my research and that I do not trust the powers that be.
After one of those phone calls, seeing how one of my friends seemed so happy and comparing how miserable and scared I was, knowing what is playing in the background, I started asking myself: Which is true: Ignorance is bliss or Knowledge is power?
After many days, I decided to apply the good old clarifier: Perspective. Once again, it turns out both are true, depending on context. For my friend, ignorance is bliss indeed as, by not having researched what is being planned behind humanity's back, she can carry on her life within the new restrictions and find her own happiness there. For me, knowledge is power as even though it makes me feel sick to know at least part of what is going on behind closed doors, I feel freer to decide not to engage in some restrictions as much as possible.
However, while the show carries on, I am amazed at how many people are still not seeing the evidence right in their face. So many governmental decisions contradict common sense and human rights, and yet out of fear and abdication, a lot of people are just letting things run...
I have so much anger inside me because my mum is kept prisoner of a nursing home. We have not been able to see her for weeks.
I have so much anger inside me because I am invisible to a father who is now only concerned about surviving and doesn't care about the rest of the family anymore.
I have so much anger inside me because I am working so hard to get my mission of helping the new generations with a fresh education, and yet I am not even sure that all this is worth it.
I Know that this life is ephemeral and that I am way bigger than this human form. This body is just a small representation of my True Self. Everything is for learning and evolving. Yet, a few things I heard from channels made me really unmotivated...
One of them is from Jesus and says that when all collapses, we should be prepared, have put food away and our money in a safe place. Another channel from the Elohim, even goes further to say that our civilisation is about to end in 50 to 100 years...That was the most distressing. Even though I know this is all for evolution and that we will live on in other forms and so on...it is still very hard to swallow and I am not sure I see the point of the suffering I am going through right now and the point of building anything if it is not meant to go anywhere...
This feeling of disempowement has to be the worst I have ever felt.
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