Places mean different things to different people.
I have travelled around the world quite a bit. Every time I was asked where I was from, I replied Provence in the South of France. People’s eyes would open wide and start shining with envy. The majority of them had never been there so I could not really understand their reaction. I guess Provence has been romanticised in the media, books and movies and that is how they know about the lavender fields, the vineyards, the cute yellow villages in the hills, and whatever else makes them believe it is a dream place.
I was born in Provence. Some would say that’s lucky. I guess it could have been. It doesn’t matter where you are born. It matters what you do in that place and how you relate to it. Of course, Provence is beautiful. It has a temperate climate and many gorgeous landscapes, at least from what I have seen on pictures.Even though my father was born in Provence and decided to live there all his life, he hasn’t shared much of it with us. At this point I pause. What I am going to share might sound harsh. I have learned that judging is not the right way to go. For a while, I have been wondering about the fine line between blame, judgment and simple observation and statement of facts.
When I state something that I experience, if the energy behind it is not carrying any blame, judgement or emotion of the sort, then I am simply stating what my experience is, right?
So when I say my father never took us around in his car to make us discover and appreciate his dear Provence, it is a fact.
If I am saying these words with the energy of anger, resentment or sadness, then I guess it is in the category of a judgement or blame. However, if I am simply stating a fact and remain neutral, then it is just an observation and a report of what has been experienced.
My childhood was a mix of happy moments like little stars sprinkled on top of a challenging dark backdrop. I couldn’t wait to leave the house and escape living with my father. When I left for England, he reproached me to leave. How could I leave his home, his dear Provence, the sun and all the good things around for cold and wet England? I heard him poured out all the awful things about English people, their climate, their food, their mentality….although he had never even been there!
Well, I lived in England for many years and met lots of wonderful people, and even though I was there during a difficult time in my life, I enjoyed that country very much and I keep it preciously in my heat together with the beautiful people that have accompanied my journey there. How could dad say all those things about them without even having set foot there?
I realise how programed we are by the media, who insidiously instil in us, ideas about people, places and life itself.
Thus people I met while living abroad have nearly always reacted with “why would you leave Provence and come and live here? – while I lived in cold and wet England, Scotland or Canada…Some of these people would have been to Provence during their holiday, and others would have also simply been programmed into believing it is a great place.
To that I usually reply: When you know a place on pictures or while on holiday, you do not know what it is like to live there all year round, and you might get a different idea of the place. I had English friends who came to Provence every spring and decided to buy a house in a cute village for their retirement. Once they did, they started experiencing the real deal of the place, the headache of the red tape, the heavy taxes, the political issues, the sticky hot summers and their load of thirsty mosquitoes, the surprising freezing winter once the cold wind called mistral starts blowing and drives you crazy…
Am I sounding judgemental? Again, it can sound like this. It is also all a matter of perspective. I can also be stating all the wonderful things that attract people here. People make what they want from where they live and what they have and one can always see something from the half full or half empty glass point of view.
Meanwhile, I think I am starting to understand why I was forced to be back here…
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