I will forever cherish this memory.
The fireworks are screaming and exploding outside. Yes! We need to celebrate the end of this year of 2020. What a ride it was. It did not end well for my family. I am still waking up from time to time with a cold sweat and for a split of a second, I imagine that all is well until I remember…No, our family life will never return to "normal". Our summer in the Alps, our walks in the mountains, our games in the shade…all this is now part of the last chapters of our life with mum.
How pathetic. I asked my father if he wanted to do something special for the 31st. Of course, it would not have been a celebration due to the circumstances, but we could still have done a little extra for dinner and eaten together. My poor dad was not in the mood. He fried himself an egg which overcooked. He must have eaten something hard to chew. Meanwhile I was drinking a soup, upstairs in my room while participating in online live meditations.
The meditations are about building love in our heart and sharing it with the rest of humanity. I am sitting on my bed and I can’t help thinking how sad and ironic it is that I should be focusing on love when we are separated: I am here and my dad is downstairs. We are less and less involved with each other. Each digesting what is going on with our family in our own way. On top of this, we are still harbouring resentment for each other, I can feel it.
This earthly experience is far from the experience of love I know we could be experiencing.
Together with all the other meditators that have joined forces from all over the world to send love to humanity, I open my heart and can feel the beautiful warmth in the centre of my chest, ready to burst out and be shared with the world.
I am so grateful for this event as it is also for me a little bit of an escape from the otherwise pathetic new year eve I would be having. I remember the first time I experienced unconditional love. It was the other amazing spiritual experience that saved my life in Bristol.
Sometimes it is not a big event that brings us to our knees but the accumulations of too many blows until we reach the last drop…This is where I was at, in my early thirties. I was coming out of a long relationship, I had just moved to England and many things were difficult for me at that time. However the hardest was that I had started to read books that claimed that Jesus was an invention from the church. Others, that there were plots against humanity. Even though I now know the latter is true, I had reached a point of disgust and hopelessness.
That night I kneeled down on my bed and prayed. In the middle of my tears I warned Jesus that if he didn’t prove to me that he was real, I was going to end my life. I had reached the point where I did not see much valid reasons for me to stay in this world. Everything was too painful. I was ready to welcome a way out of all this.
Then, I remember falling asleep crying. I don’t know how long after that, I clearly felt myself leave my body. I didn’t go very far. It was like another version of me, except it was transparent and hovering right above my physical body. At that point, lots of lights appeared and surrounded me. There were not exactly persons but there were distinct shapes that could pass for different entities.
Suddenly I had the most amazing experience. The beings enveloped me with light. That light was not like anything I had ever experienced before. It was warm and I could feel their love. Whether they were healing my astral body or simply extending their loving presence to me, I will never forget feeling overwhelmed by so much love. It lasted for a while. Then, I opened my eyes and the face of Jesus was right there, a few centimetres away from my face. At this point I was totally in awe…
I felt my light body reintegrate my physical self in a split second. That was like a cold shower. I woke up, kneeled on my bed crying again, this time with joy and gratitude. I don’t know how many times I said thank you, but it was a lot! That was the day Jesus restored my faith and saved my life.
Now that I was sure that He existed and that the spiritual world existed, there was indeed hope. I had found a new reason to live and fight for a better future.
I feel ashamed now, that after such a beautiful demonstration of unconditional love, I am not able to reach out more to my father. I do make efforts here and there but my father has started grieving in his own way. No matter how certain things get on my nerves, I have to be wiser and more compassionate towards him, no matter how challenging it is…
Comments