Not with her mouth but through her Spirit…
So that’s what it feels like to lose someone? I know this feeling. I have had heartaches before. I recognize the tightness in the throat, the shortness of breath, the weakness and even tremor in my muscles, the cold feeling that takes over my body and the pressure in my chest.
It is like I don’t dare to breathe, as if I was not allowed to enjoy life anymore, as if I was betraying the departed by still being alive and able to breathe…
Although she is not gone yet, that is how it feels. I had a reading with a very good psychic who can access my mother spirit. My mum spoke through her. What transpired through the reading was a shock yet a part of me was always prepared for that. I was only in denial.
So my mum, even though she could decide to come out of this, is somehow happier now…For the first time in her life, ironically she has a voice. Having not being heard before, or felt that people really listened to her maybe. She has reached the summit: no more voice! She doesn’t care anymore about the chaos in the world. She is at peace with herself and her surroundings. For the first time, she is treated like a queen. Sitting in her chair, she is on her throne.
After years of service, she now has an army of people looking after her needs. She has nothing to argue about. She is at peace. In fact, I don’t remember my mum glowing so much before. Even though she is still in her body, she is elsewhere. Her Spirit is flying high and not of this world anymore. It seems she has now found a better place to be, up there, wherever her mind and spirit are taking her, whatever rides she is having there and it feels that we might not be enough to pull her back to us, here on Earth.
She is leaving, and that seems to be her choice. When this happens is not for us to decide.
There is a part of me that knows where she is coming from. What would she be looking forward to going back home anyways? She was not really happy at home and the situation with my father, she knows, would be unlikely to change. Maybe she is hanging on a bit here because of me, because of my sister and her grandsons?
Maybe she will naturally go soon and we will never hear her again or see her walk again. Maybe I need to make peace with this now. Her spirit told me I was doing too much and maybe I shouldn’t fight so hard for her. Maybe I have not understood her path and now I need to respect that.
Once again I am taken back to that moment last summer, when she hugged me good bye and for some reason, my heart was broken after her departure, and I cried. I had never done that before. I know that we had grown closer than ever before that summer but still I felt my reaction was a little too strong.
Now this memory is coming back. Maybe a part of me knew that I was never going to see her again like that. I miss her voice. I miss her talk. And yet her Spirit said she doesn’t necessarily want to talk. It’s like she has already detached from all the nuisance of this material world and she is flying way above all this, in her own little world…
I could not call her tonight like I usually do. I felt too sad and I know myself, I would have cried on the phone. I hope to feel better tomorrow so I can be present with her, without giving her any projections into the future, simply sharing my day and my vision for my own future, without making any allusion to her being there just in case she doesn’t want to carry on this journey on Earth…
From a Higher perspective, I cannot blame her. This life in the 3D world is a tough one and she hasn’t had it very easy either, so of course, if she is already getting a taste of what is awaiting her after her transition, I understand that it is a no-brainer.
At the human level though, it hurts. First, who likes to hear bad news? Who likes to hear that their mum is getting ready to leave them? Who likes the feeling of abandonment, sadness and grief? Not many I know… The after-life is more appealing than us, her own family…I get it but it still hurts.This reading and hearing what my mum had to say was tough and left me feeling like I had lost her already. On some levels, I know I already have. If she doesn’t change her mind, and if she chooses that her exit point is soon, then I might as well prepare emotionally and psychologically for it.
If she chooses to recover, I will be there for her too. It is all in her hands.
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