So many times in my head…
When the tension got to its highest points between my dad and I, I felt so much anger that it had to come out one way or another. Once, I shouted a few insane rude curses towards him in the middle of my sleep. I have never touched him or harmed him physically of course, but in my head, a lot of horrible things have happened…
It somehow must have brought me relief otherwise I would not have imagined all those scenarios where I was passing all my rage on my father and killing him in so many ways. I have always had a vivid imagination and I am never short of ideas to accomplish something. So when it comes to relieving my frustration with him, I have been very creative.
I split his head in half with a huge axe, I squashed his skull between huge metal clamps, I exploded his brain on the floor with a large hammer, I imagined his cranium explode and all the fragments splashing around…It was horrible but it gave me emotional relief.
Of course I would never dream of doing this in this reality. Either way it had got to the point where we were not talking to each other and as we say, we could cut the air with a knife. Something had to shift. I could not envisage spending more weeks in that atmosphere.
As a healer, I am lucky to know other healers with whom we exchange healing services. One of the strange phenomena for healers is that we can have the right perspective, vision and intuition to help others and provide a healing solution for them, but when it comes to our own life, it is sometimes harder to bypass the conscious mind and see things from a new perspective.
This is how I asked for help from a healer I trust. She said she could break all the energetic links between my father and I but there was a risk. If the only attachments that existed between us were negative and we would eliminate them, then there was the risk that there was nothing left holding us together. At that point, I imagined the worst scenario would be that my father would throw me at out the house.
I was so desperate for the situation between him and I to improve that I did not hesitate and asked for all those energetic links to be cut…
The next day already everything had shifted. My father was talking to me while looking at me. He was even kind in his own way and did little bits and pieces for me. I was amazed and relieved. For one, I did not have to carry on killing him in various ways in my head. And it also meant that once we had removed all the negative attachments between us, at least there was something else. Deep down my father and I love each other…
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