This chapter of my life could have had many titles…
It could have been called Inner truths coming out.
My dad and I had an argument over a nail! It was the night of Halloween. I was in the kitchen and I went to pull the cloth to dry the dishes and the cloth stayed attached to the small plastic square where we hang the cloth. The cloth came together with the white square, the nail detached from the wall.
I got a small hammer from the garage and started replacing the square in its original place. Upon hearing the noise of the hammering, my father came in and he exploded…The argument we had over a nail was obviously a way for both of us to release the tension inside and as it would happen when you let things out, it wasn’t just steam that came out but also thoughts buried inside…Not pretty thoughts.
Inner truths came out… And then it was too late dad said it “who is looking after my affairs?! You’re only looking after your own affairs!” The second part really hurt me bearing in mind that I was doing my best to save and help my mother and that I had certainly done more in person to help her out than he had. My sister and I are the ones doing what we can from the outside to try to get her out and I give her daily healing at a distance. My father also has NO idea what I am doing on the side in my life. The healing I provide for people and the school I have started online to help the new generations. He never asks and do not believe he cares as he actually told me one day. That was bad enough. However I could hear his call for help so I took upon me to ignore his insulting remark and asked what he needed help with. Of course, he did not answer. My guess is that this man has never been alone in his life. He went from being taken care of by his mother to a married status and being taken care of by his wife. So of course now he feels that his affairs are not taken care of.
When I came back home to be closer to mum, I made it clear that I would not cook for him because I wanted him to get his acts together and prepare to be helping mum or even cook for her when she would be back home. I said I will clean the surfaces and the kitchen and that’s it for my part.My sister and I showed him how to use the washing machine and the oven. He learned well.
I understand that he feels lonely, but so do I, however if his idea of spending time together revolves around sitting together side by side watching the TV all day, I am out!
This chapter could have been called Save him?
After this Halloween night, I figured that since I was not useful in my father’s eyes, maybe he wanted me to leave, and when I suggest that the next morning, he did not try to hold me back, nor ask where I would be going. I am thinking I should stay because my dad is going to start drinking more heavily. Alcohol has been affecting his brain for many years and we can see the damage already in his brain. My dad used to be a respectable and intelligent man, now this is going down the drain coupled with a significant loss of memory and common sense. It is very sad.
So shall I stay? What can I do for him? Does he even want to be saved? Shall I take the responsibility to argue with him and force him to do something with his life instead of spending all day in front of TV? Will I feel guilty when I leave and he gets worst? Do I have a soul contract to save him?
A lot of unanswered questions that keep me awake at night…
This chapter could also have been called friends and foes revealed.
Over many years, I gathered many “friends” and even the modern time “virtual friends”. There is a saying that it is in hardships that true friends reveal themselves. I have experienced this as true.
My life has been based abroad for the last 20 years and so most of the people I know and interact with are abroad. So now back in France, looking for a new place to live, I was facing the question “who can I call for help?”
I do not know that many people around, so I called a few friends and family members. It was an interesting experience. The ones that I thought would readily help me out, did not even though I knew they could, and those who I figured could not necessarily help me out were actually the ones willing to help.
You only really know people until things go south and it reveals those who are really on your side.
This chapter eventually should be called To me and for me.
As I am searching for a new place to live temporary, I found myself faced with two challenges. One is to find a place of course, the other one is linked directly to all of us waiting to see where my mum will be transferred next. Ideally I would like to see where she goes so I can find a place close to her…
I have not slept well those days and despite all these challenges, I remind myself that in the bigger picture, all this is happening for me not just to me. I can only say that confidently because I have had many instances in the past where that was the case.
I have to keep trusting that Spirit has my back no matter what.
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