It started three days ago.
In the first five weeks when my mother was been taken care of, she rested a lot and she looked quite blissful. In fact people who saw her face, including me, my father and my sister noticed that she looked at peace, with the eyes wide open like an innocent little girl, rosy cheeks, and a large smile. She looked younger and happy.
This week, I took my usual 2-hour bus trip to go and visit her. I came in, gave her a kiss.
She smiled and in a flash her eyes filled with tears. I knew something had shifted. I encouraged her to let it all out. She cried and cried. I joined her at first and then I knew I had to do something. I put aside my role as a daughter and I put on my life coach hat. Somehow the words came to me naturally and I found myself saying things I hadn’t even thought about before.
I wanted her to understand that there was always a good side to every situation. I started by sharing that I also had had many dire times in my life, although they were not physical trials like what she was going through, they were more emotional times that brought me to my knees. There were too many to share so I just shared the last time I went through a dark journey of the soul after I separated from my last boyfriend. If it wasn’t for that dark journey of the soul and the fact that I had reached the bottom, I would not have called for help, I would not have healed and I would not have found the healing gifts that I use today.
Then all the good things attached to her situation came through me.
If it wasn’t for her situation, she would never have found time to fully rest herself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. If it wasn’t for her situation, I would never have found myself living alone with my father and we would have never slowly started to speak kindly to each other. If it wasn’t for her situation, she and I would have never had such emotional closeness. If it wasn’t for her situation, I would not have known where to go next this winter, If it wasn’t for her situation, I would not have discovered new healing abilities such as sound healing, psychic surgery and more recently light codes in glyphs. If it wasn’t for her situation, each of us would not be growing as fast from all the inner learning this trauma is bringing. If it wasn’t for her situation, we would not be growing closer as a family either.
I also assured her that I understood her and that if I were her, I would also feel the same way and I would be crying too.
I shared the example of people who were totally paralysed and who managed to recover their entire mobility. I encouraged her to do like some athletes do. They visualise their activity ahead of time in their head as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. I told her she could imagine the daily little gestures she was doing at home to remind her body and muscles about them and stimulate them.
My mother has lost 7 kilos. She was already quite tiny so now she needs to recover not only some mass but also the strength her muscles have lost from lack of use for so many weeks.
My mother had suddenly landed…She had suddenly come to term with the fact that she was probably here for a while. She has entered phase two – the grief period where she has to say goodbye to her previous life. Even though I strongly believe she will fully recuperate and be able to walk and talk again. This might be a long process and she will never be exactly the same again. This is a grief that she and all of us have to go through. The best we can do at this point is live in the moment and take things as they come.
This is ironic. I know we are entering an unprecedented time in human history where we can manifest whatever we want in our lives. I feel a little taken aback. I cannot see ahead, I am not sure what I should plan. I know I wish for my mum to get better, I wish for my healing to help more people. I wish for my school to be successful and I wish to experience true love with someone. I don’t have the details of the story in my head. I am wondering how many people are consciously spending time visualising the life they want to have.
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